Last Friday, I was brainstorming like usual. I’m always thinking about something. I did some research into internet-blocking and internet-scheduling apps for the 1000th time, and like most times it was all garbage that didn’t do anything. I just throw keywords into Google playstore and into Google and see what comes up.
I’ve tried internet-scheduling/filtering apps before. I did try K9 a few years ago, but it stopped me from doing anything on my computer at all. I also wasn’t very tech savvy at that point. I was probably just looking for a reason to get rid of it and go back to binging on internet and ignoring reality. In Spring 2015, I fell in love with Freedom but then they updated it and it was garbage too. The market for internet filtering software hasn’t been huge until recently. Now that NoFap is the new reality and NoSurf is blowing up, we stand to control quite a bit of market share.
So Last Friday, I finally found an internet-scheduling/filtering app I might like for my phone. It’s called Qustodio. Where did Google find it? Deep in the r/NoFap archives. A hundred thousand people putting their blood on the page and it’s adding up. The NoFap culture is real and it’s out here. So I gave it a shot. $45/year is worth a chance. I’ve never been a pro poker player, but if it’s a 50/50 chance it works, that’s worth it for sure.
Considering I’ve been deep in the NoFap/NoSurf lifestyle for 4 years now, I figured I may as well give these two a shot. I was broke as a joke when I found NoFap (-$11,500 in student loans), but I’m doing pretty dece now, so why not. In the immortal words of Ron Paul: “Wheels up. I guess. I don’t know. Whatever. “
So far, they have both been pretty good, but neither one is perfect. First of all, neither is free, so that’s a big con for both. In this digital age, consumers want everything online to be free. If a news website is paywalled, in my universe, it stops existing. I’d rather buy the newspaper, at least I get the comics section on Saturdays (srs).
Second distinction, Qustodio doesn’t work on Chrome OS. Seeing how my laptop is a Chromebook, if I knew that little detail, maybe I wouldn’t have bought Qustodio. I was so pumped and high-energy after downloading to it to my phone, but when I downloaded it on my laptop and it said “Wat. Sorry bro not today.” I got so pissed. I thought I found the NoSurf holy grail, but it’s only half a solution.
But the past is the past, and history is old news. I don’t know any Egyptian bricklayers in 2016 who are still pissed at the shoddy job the apprentice did making the Sphinx’s nose. Qustodio still does a good enough job on my phone, so it’s worth it.
So because Qustodio isn’t currently available for Chrome OS, I got back on The Google and did more digging. Again, the second half of the solution was found deep in the NoFap archives. We’re winning. I got a second NoSurf program called Mobicip. Again, it was about $45/year. I use Mobicip on my Chromebook, and it seems decent enough so far.
The four greatest features of both for me personally are:
1. The porn filter, obviously. For anyone in the NoFap universe, having a porn filter is a pleasant convenience that saves a lot of mental space and willpower for other projects. Yeah, the first 90 days, or the first 6 months, or the first year, it feels good to be a warrior, to be fighting the good fight. But it doesn’t take too long for you to be tired of the random relapse every few months and you just want to move on to other things.
2. The scheduling feature. I have no good reason to be on the internet between 9pm and 5am. That’s usually when I’m sleeping. Historically, it’s also when I’ve blown hours on the internet for no reason or ended up watching porn. With a scheduling feature, a lot of that is taken care of.
3. The time-allowance feature. You can limit myself to 3 hours a day total, 2 hours a day total, 60 minutes a day total. For any NEETs out there dropping 10-14 hours a day on the internet, that would be a life-changing difference. They might end up doing something just out of boredom.
4. The Block-Websites feature. I allow a lot of stuff on my laptop because that’s where I do research for you good folks of the internet. But on my phone, oh Lord, it’s locked down tight like North Korea. I blocked all my favourite websites. Why? Because they’re my favourite websites, I always go on them. I also blocked all the websites that are “gateway drugs”, like Reddit and a couple forums. I blocked them because there is just too much content to consume in one lifetime, and seeing as I only get one lifetime to build an empire and legacy, I really shouldn’t be wasting it.
How about you good folks of the internet, do you use any apps or programs? Feel free to shoot me an email about anything at JonnyNoSurf@LifeAfterInternet.com
Get some shit done this weekend, and stay off Pornhub