So, I have 3 speeds when it comes to alcohol.
Speed 1: Zero beers. Business as usual.
Speed 2: One beer and one beer only. For social purposes with dinner or as part of networking. Probably wearing a polo shirt or a dress shirt. Tempered.
Speed 3: All the beers. Can only occur with certain people who I’m really chill and open with.
So, Thursday night started off at speed 2. Keep in mind I don’t have school on Fridays. But instead of ordering “a glass” of beer, the two of us ordered a pitcher. That right there, I know for the future, is a mistake. Because even if I temper myself and only sip it here and there, someone will probably keep topping up the glass. And if I finish the glass, socially, they’ll be chill and fill it up for me. They think they’re doing me a favor. But I digress. While I absolutely love and enjoy drinking alcohol as I’m doing it, and love having 4+ hour benders, I’m usually a little pissed at myself the next day. And brainstorm ways to avoid it in the future.
So, one pitcher turns into two, and I’ve got a good buzz going. We sober up with a couple churchhill sized Don Tomas cigars, then I drive the dude home. I pass out on his couch for a bit, then I drive myself home.
So, as a man, what do I want to do when I’m half-asleep with a decent buzz?
1) Eat McDonalds
2) Get a face full of just-showered pussy.
I didn’t do either of those, because my ability to acquire either of those requires me staying awake for more than 2 minutes. However, once I was in the warm blankets of my bed, there was something kind of close. I could look at pixels of some glorified prostitute’s HD pussy, even though I would never eat a pornstar’s pussy because they are terrible skanks and regularly test positive for STDs (check ShelleyLubben.com if you don’t believe me.)
As a man, especially as a young man, and especially-especially as a young drunk man, I wanted to have a face full of just-showered tasty pussy. I think that’s a legitimate want, right? I mean it sounds pretty good right now even though it’s Sunday night now and I’m exhausted, sleepy, and full of chicken fried rice.
But when I tried to meet that need with internet porn, it cannot be met. All I’d see if pictures and videos of, let’s be frank, STD-positive prostitutes. Despite all the sugar coating, and cultural conditioning, and acceptance, and “art”, and production values….porn is just a nasty prostitute with good makeup, good lighting, plastic surgery, and flattering camera angles.
This Thursday however, I didn’t get that cheap imitation of a facefull of pussy. All I got was a page very similar to this…
But mostly Mobicip intercepts it first, like this:
So, I admit, I kind-of wanted to fap. I mostly wanted to have some tasty pussy in my face. But Mobicip didn’t let me. It protected me from myself, which is worth the $50/year or whatever it costs.
Maybe I should just get married lol,